Pride: 3 Sure ways to maintain & retain as a father/parent

Table of Contents

Fatherhood: The Past

In the days of our fathers when their wives’ travail at birth, they standby – with their fellow men, patiently waiting and praying for her safe delivery. The physical presence of the father-to-be in the delivery room is culturally forbidden; you are a man, stay back to receive your child when it is brought to the world, that is your pride as a man so he is told.

It doesn’t stop there, his wife is saddled with the responsibility of nursing (weaning stages, teething stages and all its headaches, crawling, walking and cultural mannerisms) the cradle before being released to the father.

Though different cultures dictate the stages at which this is done, all agree that the father is the provider/breadwinner and there lies his pride as a man.

Should the child turn out good, skilful, athletic, illustrious…it becomes the PRIDE of the Father, if it goes otherwise it becomes the PROBLEM of the mother.

The Present Narrative

You will agree with me that there’s been a change in this narrative. Times have changed, children demand more attention from their parents the absence of which portends an undesirable yet avoidable outcome.

In recent generations, fathers pride themselves not only as breadwinners nor stand-aloof partners (during the ushering of their progeny to the world) but active players in these roles with profound dedication and commitment in the support of their wives and family especially during the developmental stages of their child(ren).

These are the fathers Ian Morgan Cron talks about when he said “A boy needs a father to show him how to be in the world. He needs to be given swagger, taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, how to know what love requires, and where to find steel in the heart when life makes demands on us that are greater than we think we can endure.”

This is the generation I belong to – the intentional fathers, a generation which takes collective responsibility for the child’s outcome.

My Standpoint

From numerous experiences and stories, I have come to realise that the repercussions of being an absentee or stand-aloof father not only tells on the immediate family but on the society and community at large. This is why the movement of conscious, active and deliberate fatherhood is momentous.

Just like many of you, I have made up my mind to be actively involved in the lives of any child(ren) I have the privilege of bringing to the world. Apart from it being my primary obligation of which I am compelled to, it is also expedient and morally right in order to reduce the menace of rampant parental and poor upbringing mishaps. So, this was my resolve before I became a father.

Now as a father, by sheer act of providence I was physically present in the delivery room when my child was to be birthed (I mean if you planted the seed you gotta see it harvested yeah) *chuckles*. I was part of the whole process; hmmm I mean, I wore the scrubs and gloves too (serious something). I got a chance at the experience of a lifetime, an opportunity to see the dawning of a new life – my seed!

Then why would I not be proud of the channel (my wife) through which this nascent life is born? Why would I not be deliberate about the active process of nurturing and moulding this bundle of joy? Why would I take a rear seat and watch society, circumstances or controllable factors play the active roles in the lives of my child(ren)? Bros, I cannot can.

Hey don’t get me wrong that your absence during the birthing process makes you fall short of this intentionality, I was just fortunate enough to be around, some fathers too would have wanted to be physically present but due to different reasons – hospital rules, distance, work demands etc. You don’t have to see the baby pop out right before your eyes to be an exceptional or active dad. As a matter of fact, there are no hard and fast rules to this issue.

It doesn’t just stop there, the birthing stage as it sounds is just the beginning. Plenti process still dey to this thing called fatherhood for those who are already fathers you will agree with me– e.g. Omugwo 101, Postpartum stress, breast feeding, teething, child etiquettes…list is endless fam!

Baba, the koko bi say parenting and more so fatherhood is not a pot of beans, one cannot agree less with David Gottesman who said “Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.” So, there is no playbook to this game, we learn as we go and grow in it, that is why I’m essence of this platform, to rub minds, share and even learn from fathers who are proud to be a part of this generational consciousness.

The Challenge: The Present Future of Fatherhood

If you would agree with me, parenting in this time and age does not promise to be easy. The rise in precociousness amongst the kids of this generation, proliferation of permissive and pervasive orientations, lackadaisical attitudes and carelessness of caregivers/parents, societal ferocity, economic harshness and the recent global catastrophe has not helped matters.

Your fears and worries are justified. You are not alone! I believe this journey, however difficult it may seem, becomes more meaningful when you find a sense of purpose and commitment to your family. As Jeremy A. Smith puts it that “sense of purpose shapes day-to-day goals and behaviour. Seeing a destination on the horizon helps us to lift our eyes over the dirty dishes and temper tantrums, to a future that is better.

Yes boss, there are and there will be different reasons to up and leave, quit the game, get frustrated etc. but what helps and can guarantee perseverance, is the sense of purpose. And the sense of purpose is that you will be successful as a father, that you will do all it takes and your family will turn out fine.

As stated in the artofmanliness the presence of a loving father greatly increases a child’s chances of success, confidence and resilience, physical and mental well-being, I make bold to say not only the children here, even our wife.

The presence of a father in the lives of a family cannot be underestimated, so cheer up man, you are worth more than you know. You may be unsung, unappreciated, unvalued or not given enough recognition like Father’s Day *once in a blue moon affair*, International men’s day sharing same day with world’s toilet day*rotfl*…’chai we don suffer’. But on a serious note you are a demi god, an earthly divinity that cannot be minified, be reminded of that daily as you pull along.

The Father’s Pride

Is not limited to the points highlighted below, I believe the FATHERS’ PRIDE is:

being a father to your wife – not just “zaddy in the other room” (very importanter *chuckles*), but as a spiritual head, soulmate, and confidence booster and much more…Your wife regarding you as a father is priceless!

Some persons have defined fatherhood as a high calling and yes, I agree it is a calling not to be a sperm donor but

to be the first influencer and role models to your child(ren).
give your child(ren) opportunities and the better life you never had or improve on what you had and if by chance you had the best, replicate same.
instil phenomenal values and ideals through imprinting and exemplary leadership
inspire confidence in members of your family through routine engagement and delegation, this can only come from sticking around as a father
that your children do well in the society, are worthy of emulation, make you raise your heads and shoulders high (literarily and figuratively) amongst peers and colleagues, in the world of failing and absent fathers

Also paramount as a FATHERS’s PRIDE is to be a provider, it is very important in fact importantest sef, money makes those beautiful ideas and dreams you’ve got for your family bloom, you need money to fuel your passion. The Holy Book calls money a defence. You will agree with me that when money dey, baba go gallant…lol. God no go shame us, He’ll bless our hustles.

Stay tuned for tidbits on cutting edge ideas about how you can double up your hustle to care for the ones you love and cherish.

Na father wey dey drop we go dey call zaddy!

NB: Feel free to add yours as I mentioned earlier there are no playbook to this game.

Cheers!

The Nursing Father